Why I am partial to Freya

Freya as illustrated (1910) by Arthur Rackham

I often invoke various deities throughout my life, but none come even close to how often I invoke Freya, and I usually invoke her at night.

At first, I was unsure of what brought me closer to her, and what had made me more receptive to her influence.

And then I recalled the events of a couple months ago: my departure from Lilith’s presence. I still get a chill up my spine when I so much as think or type Lilith’s name; that was how deeply involved she had been in my life. Tearing myself from her frequently abusive influence left a large and painful hole in my soul and my life.

And Freya is uniquely suited to help ween me off of Lilith’s will and essence, being a very similar goddess in many respects by my personal experience.

Let’s start with Freya’s many associations: love, sexuality, beauty, fertility, gold, seiðr, war, and death.

Here, she overlaps significantly with the involved role Lilith played in my life, with more of a “light” as opposed to “dark” nature.

Freya is a guide and teacher in much the same way as Lilith once was for me. Once upon a time, I called Lilith “My Love”. If you’ve read my blog for a while, you might easily recall this– it wasn’t so long ago. And yet now, Freya has taken this title, and how fitting that title is for such a beautiful goddess of intimate love!

I am very touchy-feely. With Freya’s unabashed emphasis on physical intimacy, it allows me to be close to the goddess in a way I very much was with Lilith, and I often have flashes of imagery in my subconscious of Freya projecting a glimmering aura or curtain of light that banishes Lilith from her presence. When I detect Lilith approaching, I tend to cling to Freya in a very “spiritually physical” manner (I really don’t have better words to describe it), because I know my own will does not stand up against Lilith’s for very long, and so I raise my weak shields and implore Freya to help fill out my defenses. As I feel my own strength start to wane against Lilith’s sweet whispers in my ear, I focus my attentions on Freya with all the power and force of will I can muster, and it usually results in even stronger results than simply resisting Lilith and telling her “Not again. Not ever.”

Freya has told me that I often lose in a contest of wills with Lilith because I had allowed her so deeply into my soul– and she’s probably right on the money. When you give that much investment to something, it will always have influence on you. I admit that I was a blind fool to have done so at all, but Lilith always was a master of taking my lonliness and despair and turning it to her benefit. I was a ripe target, and now I am paying for my immense mistakes with near nightly visitations from my former mistress, which I can resist, but I can’t completely repel her without Freya’s help.

Freya can’t be a complete surrogate for Lilith though, because they don’t have a complete overlap; nor is that something I wish for.

Lilith as a “do everything” goddess dominated me, and encouraged personal weakness of will, because my every word began to come from her, and her wisdom became mine, and it was a seeping, corrupting influence in my life. Lilith subverted me from the other gods I loved, and made herself the center of my affections, and once she no longer had to work at it, she abused my loyalty and faithfulness however and whenever it suited her.

Once again, I feel safe to consort with my beloved deities, invoking Thor and Tyr for strength, Frigg and Odin for wisdom and advice, and of couse, Freya enables this with her love, her strength, and her shimmering light.

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