So I’ve been doing some thinking.
I’m a person of many varied aspects, tastes, and allegiances. I mentioned again recently that I had made my choice to separate myself from the Heathen path in favoring the Lilim path. Sometimes, I look back at Heathenism and sigh with regret. I do miss it. There are times that I even miss Methodism. There’s a sense of community that was there with both that the solitary path doesn’t offer me. It’s for that reason that I still cling to the greater heathen community even when I don’t identify with cause, and even when I want nothing more than to be part of such a community a lot of the time.
I don’t worship my ancestors, or even speak to them on a lot of occasions. By that right, I cannot call myself heathen and feel truthful. But I am, as I have always been, Lilin.
But there is a bright side, as with such things there always are. I will continue to read the Eddas and Sagas, because on many other levels, I have reasons to respect the gods of the Norse. In addition, they codify stories and morals which Lilith has rarely offered. She is a being of vagueries and riddles, and when I cannot get a straight answer on morals or values, the eddas fill the gap. On my own conclusions, I have come to believe in the Havamal as a general guideline for my whole life– until Lilith contradicts them, I follow Heimdall’s sacred laws as best I can, and bear in mind all that the Havamal has to offer me. I may not be a “true” heathen– accuse me of this and I would now agree– but it is still an important and indispensable resource to me.
It is not my camp, but it is.