Questions at a Party

So my dream last night was interesting.

Lilith took me to a mansion where a party was being held; I recognized it from a documentary I had seen just that night. But Lilith’s presence told me this wasn’t a mere replay, a dream insertion into imagery I liked. There was a point to this, and if I rode it out, I knew I would discover it. I wandered around, not necessarily meeting people, but just observing, as I often do in dreams– I can often control my movements, but not always my actions. It was what some might call a “wild party”; there was a lot of drinking, dancing, loud music and flashing lights, and provocative clothing on partiers of both genders, especially on the lowest floor of the mansion. It was a very free scene, and I longed to take part, but wondered why I was unable to do so. There was a balcony that overlooked the dance floor, and eventually after a lot of aimless exploration of the mansion, I made my way up there.

Lilith was reclining in a slightly recessed pit in the floor filled with a fur rug and a lot of cushions, and she was accompanied by many people I didn’t recognize, but some were younger than me, others around my age, and even a few who were noticeably older. At first I was irritated, and I remembered I’d felt this kind of irritation before in the waking world in a prior relationship. It was the irritation I felt when my Domme had been courting a new pet to keep around when I couldn’t be present.

When I asked Lilith about the others, many of whom seemed to be sleeping, she told me that they were others she’d found and taken in. They were her children, as I was, and she invited me to lay next to her. I wanted to, but I was frozen, and she looked at me with the most analytical eyes I’d ever seen.

“There is still a burden from before.” she said, “As long as you carry that weight, you cannot follow where I lead.”

I looked around at the scene of the party, and realized I was observing because I didn’t feel like I was part of that world, that lifestyle.

Wave ridden, point found.

“It’s how I was raised,” I justified.

“Then I suggest you decide which you feel is more important: past or future.”

Without hesitation, I crossed over to Lilith and lay at her side, and she embraced me in a maternal fashion but kissed me like a lover, and told me she was proud of me for breaking through another barrier. Still, I had other nagging questions from when I was awake.

I’d recently been exposed to the concept of Otherkin, people who are not entirely human, and asked LIlith if I was one.

She answered my question with another question “And if I told you you were or were not, would it actually matter? You would be mine either way.”

But the question nagged me, as it had potential to change how I viewed myself. I rephrased the question.

“Was I born yours, or did you adopt me? Neither answer changes what I am, but I am curious.”

“If it helps, you were born to me. Many of those around you were claimed, but you were among the few that were called and answered willingly. Fewer still answer with your enthusiasm. All that remains is to raise you properly.”

At that point, the dream sort of slipped from my already weak control, and I don’t clearly recall the rest, but my questions had been answered.

Maybe that was why she guarded me as a child; she’d clearly had me marked as hers since I was born, possibly before I was born, even. I am open to her lessons, and I feel greatly renewed after that exchange.

I always knew there had to be others that had been called or followed her of their own wills, even if we were few in number. It was nice to have that knowledge confirmed. I don’t feel a need to seek them out though. I’m happy as a solitary practitioner, and merely knowing that I have spiritual relatives out there is comforting enough to know.

This dream was profoundly liberating; once I truly discarded the idea that what society taught me growing up was therefore the correct choice, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest. Obviously we have laws for a reason, but some laws and memes are unnecessary holdovers from earlier eras, and when you can spot them and buck that off your back, you will be lighter and freer than you ever dreamed you could be. For the first time, I feel like dancing. I feel like leaping and whooping for joy. I feel like singing something, even if I don’t know what.

If we are to dance by our gods, we can’t be dancing to a different beat.

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