Time for a heavy sigh.
And another Honesty Hour.
This is the bit of the pagan path I never ever look forward to, and no loving soul should.
Yesterday, I received an email from a family member. I will not post the whole text, as there are personal details involved that I would rather not disclose, but suffice it to say that everyone who follows such a path will encounter a message like this; and probably several times.
The message goes as follows:
“Stop calling this thing you worship Lilith. Just call this being Lucifer, or the Shape – Changer. You are putting yourself and maybe everyone around you in harms way. All so you can be special.
I love you. I have tried to be open minded and I have hoped you would come to your senses. You haven’t. So I will not compliment you on these perceptions or your writing.
I don’t dictate that you worship the God I worship (although you did a few years ago make that commitment). You can go underground with your writings and your adulation of this very dangerous thing. I hope that you talk to me and try to keep your mind open to other philosophies. I’m worried about you.”
Lilith has told me at numerous times not to “lose” the love of my family, though I was never exactly trying to do so.
It is true that I went through a Christian Confirmation process, but these days I regard it as having been done on false pretenses as the choice of another Way had not been allowed or revealed at the time.
I read a message like that, and I am appalled and offended that someone so dear to me would claim I was “just trying to be special”. I want to please everyone, but I already know that I can’t. Before this life, I was extremely unhappy. I was wrestling with constant fear, borderline paranoia at times, and depression. As a Christian, I found life dull and colorless.
And then I found and embraced Lilith, and other deities she introduced me to. With the path she set me on, I discovered pride in my Norse ancestors. I discovered courage and honor, wisdom and cunning. I became stronger as a person. Stronger than I’d ever been before. I discovered the Owl, Wolf, and Raven as animals that I respect and admire, each one embodying the qualities I desire for myself.
But more than that, she gave me my happiness back.
Christianity did not leave me with nothing; I took from it personal and family values that I continue to hold to this day yet I retain those which blend best with the values that Allfather Odin has taught me. I don’t wish to damn Christianity. I don’t even fancy disliking it. I do my best to give it a wide berth when the topic comes up, though I do love chattering about the academic points of my own beliefs. Sorry people. Is true.
You have your parables and I have mine.
I still wonder if there is a human partner out there for me, a soul mate whom I will share the rest of my life with, but for now I can content myself with the knowledge that when I join Eternity, I will not do so alone: Lilith will be in the dark waiting for me.
But she has told me not to lose or abandon my family ties. How do I reassure them that I’m not some sort of crazed worshiper of evil when they are so concerned that I am?
It’s a question that I do not have the answer to. I need answers: I don’t want this to come between me and people I care about.
If ever there was a time I needed more wisdom, this would be it.