Clarity

I’ve just awoken from a dream in which I was being sold off in an auction. All sorts of creatures were making bids on me; some of them were hideous, and others were beautiful. I was terrified, especially as a horrid creature was about to finally seal the purchase. I wanted to fight back, but I couldn’t. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t.

The moment arrived, and another voice came from behind me.

“Don’t worry, Little One. You are mine, and that one, nor anyone else, will never own you. You promised yourself to me once, and this is my promise to you, in kind.”

Lilith had asserted her ownership and taken me in a firm embrace, and in so doing in that setting finally let me know in clear and unmistakable terms the role I occupied in regards to her, which I had asked her about repeatedly over the last year.

I belong to her much as my cat belongs to me; a sort of arrangement of mutual comfort, though neither will truly dominate the other (though both will try). Oddly, I’m fine with that sort of role. It throws into sharp clarity why she has allowed certain things, such as learning how to conjure guardians on the dream plane, and refused others, such as learning how to fight directly. It also explains why things happen the way they do between us, and why she is so protective of me. In a human relationship, I’d be wary of this.

Yet this is almost exactly what I asked for from her.

I had wanted the love, the intimacy, and the protection, and I also asked her to be honest about how she saw me. I see no shame in being what I am or doing what I do.

Shame is a sign of weakness. And to admit that I am subordinate to my goddess without shame is a sign of strength.

Say what you will, I have my honesty.

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