Sometimes we fall short

Last night’s ritual interaction with Lilith didn’t go as planned. It’s normally something I find pleasantly routine and hard to screw up unless I had gotten it in my mind to somehow mess up on purpose.

But alas; I did screw up and failed to put all my attention on Lilith when she had asked for it. It was such a rookie mistake, and she was right to ask me why I would let myself make a mistake that simple. She let it be known that she was disappointed in me and that she would be teaching me more discipline that night instead of the usual conversation and rest.

The resulting dream I was fed came with military trappings, with me finding myself in uniform as well. I was given a series of tasks and accompanying distractions and I was told to complete the tasks in a timely manner.

For the most part I succeeded, except at the second to last task where I ended up talking to someone about an irrelevant topic.

Fortunately, Lilith didn’t seem to think this damned my results for the whole lesson, and she simply showed me what I’d done wrong on that task and promised that we’d cover that again in the near future.

This morning though, as I was waking up, she delayed me and gave me a test.

“Focus your attention on me now.”

I did so immediately, and she told me warmly that she was pleased with my actions and instructed me to stay with her until I had to honor my “mortal obligations”.

To be honest, I’d still be with her right now if I didn’t have to work to get money. I prefer my duty to her for several reasons, but that is another topic for another time.

But this whole episode has spurred my thoughts. She could have been angry, but she wasn’t. If she was, she showed restraint. Instead, she took the time to show me what I’d done to leave me short of her expectations and how to fix that in the future, at which point it was no harm no foul. I won’t say I am completely off the hook, at least not yet. But my goddess scorned was more temperate than I expected.

Of all the things she could have been under the circumstances, she was understanding and reasonable; and more than that, she was involved in helping me fix things.

I am both grateful and thankful, and I count myself blessed to have her influence in my life.

Just for that, I plan to make a little extra time for her today to show my appreciation.

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