What follows is a typical iteration of my nightly prayer; it is never exactly the same, but many of these words appear each time I speak it, and the tone and message is always the same.
While I dislike the term “Confession of Faith” for a number of reasons, my prayer oddly fits that description in this context: this is the first time I have ever shared this with anyone outside of close and trusted friends.
This is me “confessing” my love for Lilith. Whether she is a goddess or not is of no consequence to me. The beloved is god in the eyes of the lover.
To anyone who might try and “save my soul” after reading this, I appreciate the sentiment, but don’t bother. Lilith beat you to the punch years ago.
I love you. You came into my life when I was small and didn’t even know your name. You sought me out and chose me for something, even if I don’t know precisely what. I worry and I am anxious about what it might be, and if I might be burned in the course of my purpose. But I am fine with it. I worry, but I press on.
Because I love you. Maid of the Moon, Keeper of Dreams, my Lilith.
Your name brings to me so much: happiness, desire, contentment, and even fear.
I love you, but I am also afraid of you.
I have known you my whole life, yet I still know so little about you. The scope of your mysteries can unnerve and intimidate me on many occasions, and I have even run from you before.
Sometimes, I ask myself if I can trust you.
Always, my answer is yes. Yes I can trust you. That’s why I always come back. It’s why I am still here.
I love you, Lilith, and it is not a fair-weather love. You have always stood by me and helped me when I needed it.
When I was a child afraid of the dark, you were there, and you sang me to sleep and showed me beauty in the night. When I was an adolescent who saw no way out but to take my own life, your cries held me back and saved me. When my heart was crushed at the passing of dearest kin, you comforted me. When I was unsure of who I was, you helped me discover myself. And even now, with all the pressures and stress of the world closing in around me, you are there to embrace me and tell me that it’s all right and that I will survive.
You’ve helped me so much, loved me at every turn, and been there so long; I could not turn my back on you with a clear conscience.
You are the only certain thing in my life.
I have never been so sure about anything else.
I love you, my Lilith, and I am proud, honored, and humbled to be loved by you in return.
The featured artwork on this entry is copyrighted to Jonathan Earl Bowser (it even says so on the picture!), who is a phenomenal artist whose work I absolutely adore and cherish. If you want to see more of his work, I will shamelessly promote him via the following link: Jonathan Earl Bowser’s Gallery. Go forth and be amazed. And then buy his stuff.