Remarkable. I had forgotten Lilith’s raw… power; a certain force de volonté that she possessed. When I lower my barriers, even a bit, and allow her to stretch and influence, her power hits my dreams like a tsunami, just washing everything else away. My dreams are simple again. They’d grown complicated because I’d stifled the tap, as it were, with too much of myself, rather than letting the source flow free.
Color me impressed.
I was correct though; we do remake how we see the divine, and this also remakes how much power it exerts on us, but our interpretations will never be as pure as the real thing.
Worst of all, we usually do it without trying.
We strive to remake our gods in our own image. ‘The universe owes us dammit!’
We complain endlessly, or worse, we switch our allegiances faithlessly so long as it gets us what we want. It is human nature, to be sure, but an unpleasant aspect of it that we must learn to conquer or otherwise deal with.
I’ve been reminded of my place in the universe, and it’s not as Lord or Master of All. It’s not as an entitled brat, either. Let Lilith and the Goddess cover my life, let them do what they have promised to do, so I may do what I need to do.
I’m nervous, ceding this much control, but did I really need that much control to begin with? I am free to exert my own powers over things that I should exert them on. When I struggled to wrest control of my dreams for me and myself alone, I lost that control the harder I fought for it. Only by making my efforts a partnership, by ceding that there are aspects I cannot command and leaving it to someone who could, did I achieve not only control, but serenity as well.
We humans are stubborn folk, driven by an insatiable lust to command, control, and conquer. Not just our world, but ourselves. We might say that a man in control of himself is a good thing, something to be admired and respected. But when we share that control of ourselves, we also institute checks and balances against the worst parts of ourselves. We sometimes call that conscience.
Stalin, it might be said, was a man vastly in control of himself. Chairman Mao was in control of himself. Pol Pot was a man in control of himself. They weren’t good, and they certainly lacked for conscience.
Some might argue that Lilith would be a terrible choice for a conscience. To those I say, 1) have you MET her? And 2) I do not trust her exclusively; the Goddess, Mother, is above Lilith and it is in Her that I entrust my ultimate faith. After all, it is not before Lilith that I will stand when my life’s journey ends.
But what I have observed in my dreams has once again taught me a lesson: sometimes, for all our best intentions, if left to govern ourselves… humans sort of suck at the job. We need examples that are better than us. Teachers that know more, heroes who have accomplished more, Saints who have loved more. Humans always strive to be Number One, yet when we finally get there, we invariably falter and fail atop the pedestal.
And THAT is where the Divine comes in. The Divine gives us a goal that stands forever just out of reach that we will chase on and on forever, to greater and greater heights.
Sometimes, it doesn’t hurt to know that there is always a bigger fish.
And it all starts with a conscience.