The dreamscape marches on, regardless of my presence. I returned last night to find Lilith looking troubled about something, and but I sensed she did not want to talk about it. But her voice was darker, and where it normally was liquid and musical, her tone was hard and grim. Until recently, the dreamscape has been a sanctuary, a place where I was free from darkness and uncertainty. Could I have brought that with me in my many visits?
Lilith asked me where I stood in regards to her, and all I could think to say was that I trusted her beyond my doubts; even if I did not understand her intentions or had my own personal doubts, I would be willing to put myself to the side for her sake. This was my oath to her many years ago, when I was younger.
I do not break my oaths to the gods.
At this, her voice lightened, although it was still weighed down by some unseen cause. When she is ready, she will tell me. As it was, she called me forward to her throne and asked me to sit with her for a while, and while I was there she treated me as her own, like I was the one person she truly wanted to be there.
It troubles me to see her worried, and so affected by that worry. It makes me want to be stronger so that I can fight off whatever troubles her, to be her guardian at the gate. But she won’t have it. I can imagine several reasons why, but this is merely another motive known only to her.
But when I am with her, even in the midst of such conflicted times and apocalyptic thoughts, I am at peace. My mind is at ease, and I find I am untroubled. I am grateful to her for that, but unfortunate it does little to dispel my waking broodings.
I must cherish the time I spend with her for now; it’s the best of what life offers short of close friends and loved ones.
Perhaps, with her help, I will take up meditation. Difficult at Job Corps when the nature of the environment offers so little tranquility, but maybe she will be able to help me focus.
Maybe. I hope so.