I will be the first to admit that my life has been influenced by the feminine. There are many, many reasons for this. Some I know and am well familiar with.
Others? Not as clear.
Maybe I was around too many girls in my early life (is that really a bad thing?). Maybe my dad didn’t hug me enough as a child. I don’t know.
I do know that the girls I knew as I grew up were always more beautiful than boys, and not just outwardly. Most of the boys I knew in school as a child were cruel, made no attempts to understand anyone but themselves, and were generally deceitful, self-centered, and egotistical. The girls were always more respectful, kind, and understanding. They could be passive-aggressive in the ways that schoolgirls often are, but as time went on, I identified with girls more than boys. The selfishness and brazenness of the boys simply wasn’t me.
As I grew up, I saw enough of both worlds to know which one I belonged to.
Even in church, I never understood why God was so wrathful in the Old Testament. I (perhaps wrongly) learned the lesson that the term “God-fearing” should be taken literally, and I had a masculine god who terrified me as a child. I was always more accepting and loving of God the Mother rather than God the Father. Over time, I came to believe that only the feminine could successfully embody such a concept as divinity.
This has changed, of course. These days, I openly worship Odin, Tyr, and Thor. Yet the divine feminine still holds my highest allegiance. The goddesses Frigga, Skadi, Hel, and Freyja are my most sacred guides (as well as Vanafridr, though she remains unattested, and I talk about her enough here anyway), more so than any male god. This is an experience that I have found unique to Heathenry; I can fully embrace the feminine and lose nothing of what masculinity has to offer. What little my goddesses lack, there are male gods who offer those things to the world, and they do so without assuming superiority — merely equality — with their female counterparts.
I dabbled in worshiping the Great Goddess at one point, but I didn’t feel it. I wanted to, but it never really happened. Since then, I have accepted the Norse Goddesses as expressions of the powerful feminine spirit which permeates the world in all her aspects. The Earth Mother is very much alive and she is in my life every day, just not as a single name. Instead, she is alive as the goddesses, the many names and faces of the beauty and power of womanhood.
It is far easier to worship the feminine for me now than it ever was before; the male and female coexist in my spirituality, and so I simply embrace the female more.
It’s who I am, after all.