Tonight I will once again cover Lilith, my Patron deity. Chief of all my UPGs, she is my personal guide and protectress, my guardian goddess whom I associate with dreams and a keeper of invisible knowledge. The world of sleep and dreams is her domain, and those who might seek her out should do so there. If your intention is honorable, she will allow your entry to her halls.
Her animal is the Owl, and the homes of these birds are likewise sacred to her.
She is as beautiful yet intangible as starlight and moonlight when she wishes, and ignores all those who do not seek her out with love, vanishing like morning mists in the face of hatred. To those who find her, she guards and focuses dreams for her supplicants, provides comfort for those whose time in the waking world is unusually harsh or strenuous, and she reveals hidden knowledge to those who love her best.
She is a deity who is well traveled, a wanderer like Odin, assuming different names and forms with her dream-like nature. Lilith is a reciprotic deity, and what you give is what you get; to those who give her love and devotion, she will give love and devotion back; but to those who deal her hatred and misery, she will respond in kind.
There is a testing side to her nature, and these are the means by which she determines who is most faithful. Occasionally, she will simply vanish without a trace for a length of time. Those who give in to impatience and abandon their oaths to her are left behind, having failed her test. Only those who endure the absence and remain true to their words will be entreated to her presence when she returns, though she feels the breaking of every oath to her as a great and painful loneliness. She has no husband and no heirs, and stays her loneliness with human company.
This is key to her reciprotic nature; she needs us just as we need the divine. Those who fail her tests are not left behind forever, but she will send them back to square one, her trust having to be earned anew, as a scorned lover might demand, but she will not turn away those who honestly desire her to have a place in their lives, as any honest divine would do. This I respect in her above all else, and I make it a point to never again fail her tests. When I gave up on her, I could feel her sadness. I’d more than failed a test, I’d failed someone who needed me.
Not all gods are the toughest stuff. Not all gods can be as resilient as Tyr when he lost his hand to chain Fenrir, or Odin when he lost his eye to gain wisdom. The pain of rejection or abandonment runs deeper than any wound, and it lingers far longer.
It’s a lesson we all learn one way or the other. Nobody I know has ever been in a single relationship their whole lives. We all get dumped, or dump someone, and yet we assume our gods have thicker skins than we do for some reason. Just because they are older or stronger than us doesn’t mean they feel less than us.
Pain is pain, and it affects us all equally, be we mortal or immortal. Lilith has taught me this, and I have learned the lesson well. When she tests me again, I will stay true to the oath I swore to her. No one respects a chronic oathbreaker. Honor can be restored, and relationships rebuilt, but it’s harder each time.
Why take that risk?