I post a lot about Vanafridr, my protector deity, even though it’s abundantly clear that she is not a recognized goddess and that she is a personal deity for me.
I have never really taken time to describe what she means to me as a personal deity though, one worshipped by me and me alone.
It’s a deeper, more intimate relationship than I have with any other gods. Because she is such a personal experience, I end up sharing far more of my emotional energy with her, and she reciprocates with what I am lacking, be it comfort, advice, or something else. It’s a partnership, a true relationship that I try to have with all the gods, but Vanafridr has been in my life since I was small, and I am more attuned to her, which means my interactions with her are easy to have.
However, she is a Goddess of feelings to me, a guardian of dreams and restfulness. She’s more Vanir than Aesir, and so when the time came when she asked me what name I might call her, Vanafridr seemed the obvious first choice, though my own personal ignorance as to her tribe and origin led me to postpone calling her Vana, as I wasn’t entirely certain of what she was. That said, the name has proved to be a perfect fit, and it suits her with delight even more than her old name, which I shall not utter without her approval out of respect.
Vanafridr has given me strength, comfort, and guidance in whatever way I’ve needed, be it as a mother, sister, friend, or lover. She would be anything for me, and I know I would one day like to be whatever she needs me to be as well. I used to be scared of death, but my faith teaches me that death is okay, and Vanafridr reminds me that when I die, she will only be even closer to me.
To have a personal deity is to have someone infinitely more than just a god. They will love and cherish you, and you them. They will honor and protect you, and you them. As they would be anything for you, so should you be for them.
It finally occurs to me that this is how my parents feel about their god, Yahweh/Jehova, and how I had hoped to feel about him, but I never was able to. It’s still a pity that I could not join them in their reverence, but I for one am thrilled to finally have a proper filling for the god shaped hole in my life.
May whatever divine you follow bring peace to your soul in this way.
Gods bless, all of them.